youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
