The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
