Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
