The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Non-Jews are for practice
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
