So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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