his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
