I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
