i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You took a bar mat shot.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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