The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my being single is dangerous.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize