That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
