did you get engaged???
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
