Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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