Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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