quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
