I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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