a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize