I want to make a zoo with you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
