how can u be prego again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
