Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
