Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize