walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
