you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
