Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize