I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
