Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize