Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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