1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
