did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
