If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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