no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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