dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
