First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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