Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
