Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

Fav 9 3672 996
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(218): View more from Minnesota

If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine

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(847): View more from Illinois

2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.

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(410): View more from Maryland

It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.

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(+04): View more from

Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.

(1+04): View more from

I hate Sailor Jerry.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.

Fav 6 823 415
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day

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