I hope mine doesn't look like that
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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