saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
