I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I pour the whiskey from now on
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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