I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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