Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
