We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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