I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
