She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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