i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
