you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
