i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
