my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize