check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
