Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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