This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
