The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
