you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
