You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
