You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
