Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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