Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
