Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
