Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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