pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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