i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am one with the molecules
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
