Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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