Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
