I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
