who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
