Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
