Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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